“Steve, do you have any idea how much money I make?”
I flush, of course not. “Why should I? I don’t need to know the bottom line of your bank account, Tony.”
His eyes soften. “I know. That’s one of the things I love about you.”
I gaze at him, shocked. Love about me?
“Steve, I earn roughly one hundred thousand dollars an hour.”
AN EROTIC LOVE STORY
WRITTEN BY JUSTIN HAMMER
“This is slander! Wait, libel. Libel’s the wordy one, right? Anyway, libel! Who is publishing this? Why? And wow, okay, way to assume. Of course Hammer figures Captain America’s dick is bigger than mine; Cap’s the one in the skintight suit and I’m the one in the armor-“
“What, you’re not angry because it portrays you in a kinky, gay relationship with one of your teammates?”
“No, I’m angry because it portrays me in a kinky, gay, unsafe relationship with power dynamics that don’t even make sense. I mean, sheesh, the whole thing is about me topping an apparently schoolgirl-virginal Steve? Um, no. Have you seen the guy? If I weren’t very clearly never ever going to step out on you, I’d let him top me any day, virginal or no. Completely unrealistic. …And he just walked into the room, didn’t he, Pepper.”
“And I’m probably never getting any ever again.”
“I don’t know, I’m kinda liking the blush on Steve’s face.”
“I’m right here, you know!”
Debated reblogging, but I find the above commentary too hilarious not to share.