K Tempest Tumbles

I'm K. Tempest Bradford, a writer, blogger, tech geek, and all around nerd. I'm such a big science fiction/fantasy/speculative fiction fan that I even write it (I know, pretty hard core!).

I have a non-Tumblr blog and that's where the majority of my long-form posts go. This blog is for my more fannish activities, link sharing, and squeeness.
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What is the real reason for the MOAI statues standing on Easter Island? Is it a landing strip for invading aliens, or perhaps each statue is really a living creature simply in slumber?”

Hey assface? The rise and fall of indigenous civilization on Rapa Nui hasn’t been a mystery for quite a fucking while now.

Some of the most fanciful stories I have ever read involved stalwart English professors in the 1930’s engaging in scientific archaeological excavations, that unearthed horrible curses rather than the prizes they sought.”

Adventures in Unfortunate Implications! Let us recall the carefree days of literature where heroes were the manliest of men and whitest of white, and nobody dared to criticize you for trivial details like ‘really insipid racism’ and ‘basic lack of recognition of the humanity of other people’! 

From the ‘additional inspirations’ section: 

Aztec and Mayan fortresses hidden under wet jungle foliage (such as the movie “The Ruins”).”

The fall of great Mesoamerican civilizations: NOT A FUCKING MYSTERY. ALSO NOT FUCKING ROMANTIC.

“Cook Islands where ancestors of Captain Bligh’s men founded their own society amongst the natives.”

Hmm. Needs moar Mighty Whitey.

“Ghost towns in American old west genre and Indian tribes.”

Presented without fucking comment.

“King Solomon’s mines and voodoo in Africa (such as Allan Quatermain series, penned by H. Rider Haggard and many others).”

No. Just fucking no.

“A plane crash survivor that stumbles upon a warrior tribe hunting in the Amazon.

This is the really quite boring story of how some indigenous folks directed some lost tourists back to the nearest major city.

“Forgotten tales of men and curses in mighty Athens or haughty Jerusalem or wild Sri Lanka.”

Wild Sri Lanka, people:

“Was Stonehenge built as protective runes against marauding demons?”

No. It’s a (sacred and hugely socially important) clock.

“What is the origin of the mystical healing practices at Anuradhapura?”

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anuradhapura (TL;DR -Buddhism)

“Where lies the famed city of El Dorado, sought by Spanish conquistadors?”

In the minds of said mass murderers.

“What happened to the Colony at Roanoke?”

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roanoke_Colony (TL;DR - the surviving settlers successfully assimilated into surrounding Algonquin settlements.)

Trinker sums up the whole fucking mess pretty succinctly: “What this world needs is an anthology about the colonial mindset!”

Because, yanno, ten thousand existent pot-boiling novels aren’t enough. We really need some modern fiction written in the style of Racist Exoticism of Yore.

-Drops mic, walks away-

Because the world needs yet another Magical Honky anthology!

What on the face of Demeter’s green Earth is this horseshit??

  1. eccentric-nucleus reblogged this from rincewitch and added:
    i said UM really loudly when i read this just no this is bad :(
  2. rincewitch reblogged this from moniquill and added:
    hahahaha this is so horrible “Cook Islands where ancestors of Captain Bligh’s men founded their own society amongst the...
  3. qotumblr reblogged this from jhameia and added:
    Post-League of Extraordinary GentlemenandalsoMinaHarkerwhoisactuallythebrainsoftheoperation a mate got me King Solomon’s...
  4. eatyourbooks reblogged this from ktempest
  5. eruditeogre reblogged this from ktempest and added:
    Really nothing to add here. Holy carp.
  6. popularmechanic reblogged this from nikiya and added:
    racism bingo card masquerading as anthology call, good one. FUCK freedom of speech, i want this guy shut down right the...
  7. womanistgamergirl reblogged this from sexgenderbody
  8. ktempest reblogged this from jhameia and added:
    What on the face of Demeter’s green Earth is this horseshit??
  9. sexgenderbody reblogged this from jhameia
  10. nikiya reblogged this from girlswillsavetheworld and added:
  11. chromaticdebutante said: I wonder if a story about chromatic explorers finding evidence of a lost “tribe” of white people would make the cut? Gah, now I want to write it!
  12. allcapsdoom reblogged this from karnythia and added:
    ugh fuck this shit. i already have a hard time convincing people that von daniken is not the gospel.
  13. girlswillsavetheworld reblogged this from persisting and added:
    let us not forget to add Privileged in there too
  14. persisting reblogged this from annlarimer and added:
    the commentary on these is amazing, though for me when i was reading the call for submissions all the words just kind of...
  15. annlarimer reblogged this from karnythia
  16. bride-of-bucky reblogged this from gracklesong and added:
    Futhermore, what exotic mystical curse was cast upon Eric G. Guignard’s face?
  17. counterftnoire reblogged this from moniquill
  18. masteradept reblogged this from karnythia
  19. karnythia reblogged this from jhameia and added:
    Aside from all the obvious flaws already pointed out, this call for submissions just sounds boring.
  20. budgerigorous reblogged this from t-akver
  21. t-akver reblogged this from jhameia and added:
    He proposes to pay you $40 for your work, give or take. He estimates that he will pay 22 authors a total of $880 for his...
  22. thenameoftheworms reblogged this from jhameia
  23. jhameia reblogged this from moniquill and added:
    Because the world needs yet another Magical Honky anthology!
  24. moniquill posted this